B-H
There are no coincidences. The fact that Mrs. Feldman comes out with her book at the same time that I began our long overdue ad campaign for my book “Another Convert” is not a coincidence. The fact that her book comes out on parshas (weekly portion of Torah Reading ) Mishpatim and right after parshas Yisro is also not without meaning. Two parshios which are known as the foundation for all the future laws of justice for all of mankind.
Many will ask, what now Mr. Convert! What you will say now about the religion and society which you chose to join? Now that Mrs. Feldman has “exposed” the dark side of Judaism in general and Hasidism in particular will you now possibly regret the choice that you made?
With the help of Almighty I will try to repudiate and answer some of the statements that Mrs. Feldman is capitalizing on these days.
Many of readers will expect me to be insufficiently informed about the community that I belong to, due to the fact that I joined the community as an adult. In fact, I am a member of the Hasidic community for the last 17 years compared to the Mrs. Feldman who is 25 years old and has been in the community since birth but left it at age 23. Mathematically it seems that there is a disadvantage on my side but considering the fact that I joined the community as a mature person quickly turns the math to my side. If you add the fact that my three children grew in this community while attending Hasidic schools this gives me much more experience and insight than any outsider can only dream about. Some may say that I certainly lack knowledge of the particular Satmar community that Mrs. Feldman grew up in. Again I want to assure my readers, that my ties with the Satmar community are very close. I never became an official member of this community as I didn’t want to commit to only one particular community however Satmar is where I’m at home and that is where I feel the most heimish. I can also mention that my Rav is the Satmar Rosh Yeshiva and my Rav in Monsey where I live, is a Pupa Hasid which while different than Satmar is still more alike then different. Also my youngest son learned in Satmar cheder and Yeshiva for most of his life and we always have plenty of boys from Satmar schools at our house.
What else can I add?
When the argument, between the Hasidim of Reb Aharon and the Hasidim of Reb Zalman Laib of Satmar began in Williamsburg several years ago, I was literally in the midst of the argument as I was managing the expansion of the Satmar Mikva into the largest Mikva in The U.S.A. Yes, is was a difficult time as arguments and machlokes are never good, but for me those years when I worked in Williamsburg, with Satmar and other Hasidim gave me glimpse of the community which even some of the people who grew there can only dream about. As the Gemara teaches in Mesachtas Avoida Zarah - the person looking in through the window sees more than someone inside the room. I came away enriched and reassured about my choice as I saw how the highest emotions and sometimes even great ambitions can be controlled when there is adherence to the Torah and Jewish values. It is these values that allow its adherents even when arguing to be on a much different level than others in similar situations. But even more important, all the years inWilliamsburg allowed me to learn about the people, make friends and see what we call Kedushas Yisroel on the streets of a big city. As many of non Williamsburg Hasidim can attest to, there are certain attitude and nuances that can be detected when you deal with “Williamsburgers”. We sometimes poke fun about this attitude and other things which we find humorous with our brothers from Williamsburg but after all is said and done we see them as our brothers and that’s how it should be. Enough said about my credentials!
When the argument, between the Hasidim of Reb Aharon and the Hasidim of Reb Zalman Laib of Satmar began in Williamsburg several years ago, I was literally in the midst of the argument as I was managing the expansion of the Satmar Mikva into the largest Mikva in The U.S.A. Yes, is was a difficult time as arguments and machlokes are never good, but for me those years when I worked in Williamsburg, with Satmar and other Hasidim gave me glimpse of the community which even some of the people who grew there can only dream about. As the Gemara teaches in Mesachtas Avoida Zarah - the person looking in through the window sees more than someone inside the room. I came away enriched and reassured about my choice as I saw how the highest emotions and sometimes even great ambitions can be controlled when there is adherence to the Torah and Jewish values. It is these values that allow its adherents even when arguing to be on a much different level than others in similar situations. But even more important, all the years in
There are many differences amongst us Hasidim, some stem from the different backgrounds of the countries where we came from, some diversity is result of differing philosophic ideas as taught by our great Hasidic teachers and other differences are a result of family upbringing. The last factor can in some cases be seen as an ‘oppressive upbringing’ as Mrs. Feldman chronicles it. As in other religions and cultures, we have dysfunctional families amongst us as well. There may be some meshugene rebbies/teacheres in cheder and there are nebech even cases of abuse. We are people and people we are. Nothing more or less. We have the same desires as the rest of humanity. Faults of character or even moral weakness are not strange to us.
The fact that the Jewish people suffered through the holocaust and still are a model of high moral values and devotion to family, is all the more astounding!
Yes, we have help now and throughout history. The Torah that is what sustains us. It is a treasure that has a power to uplift our people – the Jewish people, from the 49 level of moral contamination to the greatest heights of what humanity has to offer.
The fact that the Jewish people suffered through the holocaust and still are a model of high moral values and devotion to family, is all the more astounding!
Yes, we have help now and throughout history. The Torah that is what sustains us. It is a treasure that has a power to uplift our people – the Jewish people, from the 49 level of moral contamination to the greatest heights of what humanity has to offer.
Unfortunately Mrs. Feldman has chosen a different path. She made a choice as every other member of this community has. Yes, this community has rules as any other community has its rules and regulations but no one has to stay in a particular community where they do not feel comfortable! There is a G-d given right to leave this community if somebody chooses to. It is G-d Himself who allows us to rebel against Him (Lo aleinu). Mrs. Feldman is certainly not the first one in this position and perhaps not the last one. In fact, every few years we hear stories that are widely publicized. In recent times the titles of these stories for some reason begin with the prefix ‘un’ which expresses opposition. This is what seems to attract all the moral scavengers that are constantly looking for some scandal to feed their decay encrusted soul! Most of the renegades from our community however, are not intellectually capable to write or even to read, and this is not due to their limited English education. I know many of these people personally and they can’t or are to lazy to read in any language. But a few of these Hasidic rebels with help of others are able to bring their stories to the broad public describing what most Americans would consider obscure or even unknown, Hasidic society.
There is a tremendous problem with these stories though, they are written by renegades, rebels who left their groups with dismay, anger and hate. Their lack of objectivity leaves no question about the value of such accounts. They left with full knowledge and understanding that like many other societies, those rebelling will be completely rejected even by the members of their own families once they leave the service of the Creator as it is understood by us. This would happen in any religious society that takes its rules seriously. There is no need to explain to nonbelievers or the semi religious why this is so. That’s how it is and most of us know the rules. You can’t be a sportsman while intoxicated and you can’t be in the Marine corps when you weigh 400 pounds. You can’t play basketball on a golf course and sing confederate songs in Harlem. You can’t call yourself a vegetarian when you declare your love for steak! It doesn’t work this way and no one call you a vegan after seeing you in McDonalds eating a hamburger. You can’t belong to a society which for over 150 generations gave their lives for certain values and conduct while you refuse to obey these rules. One of the rules is rejection of rebels like Mrs. Feldman. If there would be a middle ground on this issue, our nation would have been finished three generations after Moses and there wouldn’t be a Torah, there wouldn’t be prophets with their moral guidance and there wouldn’t be sages that bring us to the intellectual, spiritual and moral heights, us and the nations of the world as well. Because of our separation and withdrawal from general society, we were able to carry this message of morality through the ages, and because we living within this society at the same time, it allows this message to penetrate the hearts and minds of nations through the millennia.
Through these millennia we have had a number of groups and individuals who, on mostly a personal but sometimes a philosophical basis, denied the validity of this path and rejected and fought this path from without and within.
Through the millennia we have among us lots of over ambitious people or perhaps immoral individuals seeking to blemish our community as a justification for their moral and personal failures.
When I meet these, mostly young, people who decided to leave our community I know already before they even begin that they will start reciting a litany of filthy stories about contemporary rabbis and leaders. They memorize some salacious stories going back sometimes hundred of years in time. But let me tell you something sensational! We are not perfect. From the times of the Patriarchs we learn stories about mistakes, imperfections and sins done by some, and thoroughly criticized by the Torah itself as well as by the later sages. No one whitewashed and described storied of our fathers, our leaders, our judges and our kings in the same way as the heroes of other nations are described - always unblemished always perfect. Bad things happen and these things are described in Jewish writings but with only one goal, to teach us not to repeat those mistakes! I can go on and on through the ages with a long list of sins committed not only by righteous people but also by renegades and common criminals coming from a Jewish background. Some of them were not religious; some of them were religious hypocrites, some others who failed despite their good intentions. We are people and just the people, but after all the litany of sins, there is something greater something exceptional about this nation which constitutes the Jewish phenomenon in history.
Mrs. Feldman, you may get your five minutes of attention which every artist is willing to die for! You may feel the sweet taste of vengeance for all the true or imaginary evil that happened to you. You may bring true, half true and completely false stories about your people, but after all is said and done it will be you who and those like you who fail and are relegated to the trash heap of history!
Let me quote a few examples from your writings which will present you in a way that you will probably not be able to see for yourself. This is however how other people see you after they read what you have written.
You write in one of your posts on your blog:
"I am absolutely not all about criticizing Hasidism. I am up for opening a discussion about Hasidic culture and encouraging reform and progress both within and without of the community, but pointless criticism never accomplished anything."
Wow, what an admirable attempt. You just want reform and civilize us to the standards of the society which you just joined. Let’s see from where your conclusions and desire to change us are coming from, let’s see what your perception of us is.
"Those men are scary; they’re not trained in civility. They’re terrified of what would happen if the genders weren’t segregated. They think of lust as this uncontrollable, wild impulse."
Who are you talking about? Hasidim? Really? Well, let me list some names. They don’t sound Hassidic to me! Kennedy, Clinton, Berlusconi, Craig, Spitzer, Schwarzenegger, Wiener etc. the list is long and juicy.
Because we are aware of the power of sexuality within a man’s veins and we choose to create certain prevention mechanisms to preserve our families and ourselves from moral tragedies this makes us ‘not trained in civility’? Who other then us is trained in self control and civility? The leaders of your new society? A society where many have ruined their whole lives, careers and family to appease this insignificant (in your opinion) desire? No we do not think that “lust is a uncontrollable wild impulse”, we know its power!. That’s precisely why our Rabbis have guided us in putting up “walls” so that it doesn’t become a “uncontrollable wild impulse"! That’s why we use the power of human desires only within a certain framework as designed for us by our Creator and enhanced by our sages as Hashem Himself wished us to do.
You say you are against pointless criticism. I guess your story quoted below illustrates how pointless your criticism is! Mrs. Feldman. Or perhaps there is a point to your activities, but it leads to places where you don’t want to admit it does.
“There was this old man on my street who, every day on my way to school, would be sitting on this bench, and would call out to me and offer me candy. I told my grandfather, and he said, “Well, he’s older than you, so you have to talk to him out of respect.” The guy was, like, a pedophile. And we were taught to respect him.”
He was ‘like’ a pedophile? A candy man? An old Hasid sitting on the bench and giving candies to the kids? What makes him ‘like a pedophile’ Mrs. Feldman? I really fail to understand why you bring up this story and what the point of it? This story like many others coming from under your pen and from your mouth, is a product of a hateful mind willing to use any memory, any scene and any person to besmear the people which you have rejected. Here is another example,
The paragraph is about eating out in restaurants. “because I was never allowed to do it. Women aren’t allowed to eat out”
Where are you coming from? There are plenty of restaurants and pizza shops in Williamsburg filled up with many Hasidic women at all times of the day. What is you point in this statement?
You were not allowed to go there? Well, someone was feeling responsible for you.
There are Satmar families who go to restaurants and those who don’t. There are over 100, 000 people in the Satmar community for G-s sake! Tens of thousands of families, each one with their distinctive approach to Judaism and to the rules of the community. While there are minor variations to these rules most live within the framework of these rules. Is there any pressure placed on those who are lenient about the rules? Sure, but as it was said before, that’s how every society functions.
With one thing I agree with you and I’m sure that you were right when you say “I definitely think there are plenty of community members that are as unhappy, if not more, than I was”. While there aren’t plenty there are definitely some. That’s precisely why there are some failure cases among us.
“I know that Hasidic Jews are indoctrinated from a very young age to believe that there is some sort of global conspiracy against Jews”… “I was taught to believe that outsiders hated me. That if I talked to someone [non-Hasidic], I risked getting kidnapped and chopped into pieces. Never, ever talk to an outsider. Not even a policeman. Which is why what happened to Leiby Kletzky…
”
I don’t know from which planet are you coming Mrs. Feldman but the one on which I have been living on for last 45 years. The fact is that country after country, leaders after leaders, people after people, nations after nations, whole civilizations! have murdered and butchered the Jewish people. How should we feel about it? Should we trust all Non Jews and outsiders while remembering our neighbors putting our children, woman and elders into barns and synagogues to burn them alive? Should we integrate within such a society?
Our true leaders and sages developed guidelines for us as to how we should integrate within the society we live in. But as is perfectly normal we look for help always first among our own. There are wonderful people, some of them true friends of the Jewish nation who go the extra mile to help and to do all the good they possibly can for us. What is wrong with asking our own first? How does Laiby Kletzky’s unfortunate case prove your hateful conclusion?
It is just despicable and ugly how you exploit the death of this innocent Neshuma – soul…
How can you look in the mirror without throwing up? When you insist over and over again in blaming the Hasidic upbringing of this child for his death!
“No pointless criticism” you say! Yes! just straight shameful anti-Semitism. What else are you willing to do for your five minutes of fame? You are selling you family, you are selling yourself, you are selling your people now you using the most unthinkable person to achieve your goal, Laiby Kletzky!
But you didn’t end with using Laiby Kletzky for your despicable goals of blackmailing an entire community whose member spent days and nights selflessly looking to find this child and than after finding him, crying for weeks trying to understand what happened. For the sake of besmirching the community which you were unable to stand their moral standards you go even further with your ugly accusations. You created the story describing the death of a thirteen year old boy by the hands of his father in the most horrible way imaginable. You either made up this story yourself or are eagerly repeating it after the same type of people like yourself who made up the story, than you accuse the whole community of a cover up!
There was a tragic death in the town of Kirias Joel at that time but you know it was a completely different story. It was a story of mental illness and ultimate suicide. And to produce your slander you use this kind of tragic story, a story so painful to the family. This villainous slander puts you in the lowest category of all, you are a human scavenger feeding yourself and other blood thirsty beasts like you with human tragedy without even a trace of human feelings for the family who were already devastated by the death of their child.
My first thought after reading Mrs. Feldman writings and watching video clips, was anger, irritation and pain coming from the awareness how someone can use half truths and complete lies to build her career using old, worn, threadbare and hateful propaganda, while knowing that this type of propaganda has in the past brought suffering blood and death to the Jewish people. How it is possible that a person can be so hateful toward her own people, her own family while deceiving the innocent reader? Nay! Posing as someone who has only good of her people on her mind?
The answer is self explanatory and proves more how wrong Mrs. Feldman is in her statements and actions and how right those who choose to continue in their well trodden path are. The answer is - Family.
I’m sure that her grandparents gave her the best what they could despite the fact that this family experienced a generation gap which I mentioned before; they were holocaust survivors. I guess, Mrs. Feldman was probably the only one of her age group who grew up without a mother. I will not play Freud here, but I’m sure it caused tremendous stress for this young person growing up among peers with complete two parent families as is case in the vast majority of the Hasidic community.
But when we look a little deeper in Mrs. Feldmans life we learn that not only Mrs. Feldman’s mother but also here grandmother divorced their husbands and left their families in ruins. Just yesterday I learned about another young lady from Brooklyn whom I remember from when she was still a little girl, years ago. With sadness I learned that with the exception of writing a book, she went down the same path Mrs. Feldman has and also left her family and community waging a public war against them. The pattern is almost the same as in the case of Mrs. Feldman - one divorce in the family after another. I will obviously not go into the details but the lesson is there to be learned! Ones this happens in the family, once the family safety and family values are damaged, once the foundation of the family is shattered, this is only the beginning! It is a catastrophe which will continue (in most cases) for generations (Lo Aleinu).
This is precisely the reason why we are so protective about our families, about our behavior and even our language when comes to the issues of man-woman relationships.
We are simply doing everything in our power using what we learned from our sages and the past generations, to avoid the same devastation that happened in Mrs. Feldman life.
My book will never receive the publicity that Mrs. Feldmans book has received. I will never be invited for an interview with Barbara Walters and not even by some PBS interviewer. Who cares about a book describing adventures in finding the true G-d. This is not entertaining or educating! At least not the type of education that the masses are looking for.
A lack of entertainment is not a fault of Mrs.’s Feldman’s book. Juicy stories about criminally inclined, treacherous, self righteous, strange looking Jews will always sell and any author that includes these topics is sure to be a best seller.
At the end of the Barbara Walters interview on the “View” television show Mrs. Walters says that her editor is speaking in her ear through the ear piece and asking her to ask a very important question. What is this burning question that needs to be asked? What is the question that wouldn’t be asked of person other then like Mrs. Feldman? What is this question that everyone in the studio audience and the millions of people at home watching their television must know? What is the sexual life of Hasidim like?
If this is a sign of the current society, a society 'trained in civility', then I will pass.
Matys Weiser
To learn more about lies and distortions of Deborah Feldman see:
http://deborah-feldman-exposed.blogspot.com/
To learn more about lies and distortions of Deborah Feldman see:
http://deborah-feldman-exposed.blogspot.com/




