B-H
It’s been couple of weeks since I last posted on the blog
and I feel really bad about it as I consider this blog not just as a hobby or
outlet for my energy but rather as a medium where I can share with my fellow
friends and strangers my thoughts and ideas about various issues. However when
inspiration fails me what can I do?
But HBH has His way to awake and “inspire’ and if a delicate
touch doesn’t help than sometimes a kick does! In my case it looks as I needed
a kick to get my attention and this time the kick that of awakened my
inspiration was my car, particularly the tires.
I know some of you may be bored by a second essay involving
tire problems while driving in a dusty desert! … But this story is worth
telling especially its conclusion.
This time I was driving in a very sparsely populated area of
Wyoming . There aren’t too many Indians
here as they were suppressed by the US
government after the Indian victory at Little Bighorn and their defeating
General Custer and his army. The chiefs Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse escaped to
Canada and the
Indian lands were confiscated with only a little compensation in the form of a few
reservations. Therefore not even Indians were around this time as in my
previous essay.
I left town and took a side road which was almost a hundred
miles long and a large portion of it was just a dirt road. Driving and enjoying
the glorious views surrounding me, looking at the almost infinite space
unspoiled by human activity I thought to myself how privileged I am that Hashem
presented me with my present occupation allowing me to see all of this endless beauty
of this country and His creation.
A cloud of dust was following my car for about a mile and no
other cars were anywhere to be seen, not a single human being and no telephone
service was to be had since a few miles after I left town. After more than
thirty or forty miles on the dirt road I passed a ranch and the paved road
began.
Soon after I got on the pavement I felt that my car was
behaving in a strange way. Without looking on the dashboard gauge I knew it was
a tire. After stopping my car I took a walk around it and found that my rear
driver side tire was totally flat. I drove few yards to better position my car
so that I would be able to take out my spare tire located underneath the car.
This was the first time I needed to use my spare in the four years of driving
my Suburban. I took the tools and inserted them in the small opening in the
back bumper. After turning the device right and left for a good half hour I realized
that I will be not able to lower the tire to take it out. I started to think
about alternative solutions for my problem, namely to ask for help. The ranch
which I passed not long ago was still pretty close but it didn’t look occupied
and in retrospect I am sure that the people that were living there were regular
Americans and nice people however when I was all alone in the desert I was not
that sure about it. My phone did not have any service for the past thirty miles
and Cheyenne , the next town was
almost fifty miles away.
Of course I was asking my Creator for help with a sinking feeling
in my heart considering my situation. Visions of spending the night in the
desert were not as bad as my fear of encountering some hoodlums or crooks. I
waited for a while but the road was empty and no car passed in either direction
for more than an hour, I decided that I would try to drive as is with one flat
tire. After driving a little more than a half mile I realized that it was impossible
to continue this way. With tears in my eyes I took one more look at my phone
mounted near my steering wheel. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing! I saw one
of the service bar indicators blink on and off. I walked little bit more up the
hill to try to get a better signal but was unsuccessful. My phone was working
only in the spot where my car finally stopped unable to go further and nowhere
else!
I called AAA and spoke to the person on the other end of the
‘line’. Apparently the person heard me well however my reception was very bad.
After transferring me from the New York
office to Oregon , I finally got
someone in Wyoming . It was hard
to believe that a person living in Wyoming
didn’t know that there is no closest cross street on the highway where I was stuck,
but finally after checking back and forth the AAA person was able to locate me on
the map and he said the he would send someone to help me. The AAA truck arrived
one and a half hour later. It took us another hour and a half to release the
spare tire, because the bolt securing the tire was rusty. Together with my new
friend we worked underneath the car while trying different ideas to loosen the
bolt. Finally the tire fell to the pavement, at that moment I praised HBH in
all the languages that I speak. But it was not the end of the problems. While
lifting the car, my tool broke into two pieces and the AAA man had to take
almost all of his tools out of their boxes in order to loosen the tire. At last
we were able to put the spare on properly and while the sun was already below
the horizon I gave my blessings to the AAA man and said goodbye.
I began to drive toward Cheyenne .
As soon as I began to drive I noticed that my phone was not working anymore. And
that is how it stayed for the next thirty miles.
While I was scanning the dark road every few seconds I was also
scanning my phone. A solid X over the service bar connectivity indicator didn’t
leave any doubt. There was no phone service in the entire area. I started
getting chills down my back and the hair on my neck stood up! I began to analyze
the situation from the very beginning of this long drive. If I would have
gotten the flat tire on the dirt road not only would there not have been any
phone service but it would be almost impossible to use any tools in such
conditions in addition to the uneven position of the vehicle. The flat tire
happened as soon after I got on the paved road or just moments before. The fact
that I was able to call AAA was a miracle, as I define a miracle as something ‘unnatural’
or statistically impossible. Here, in my particular situation the second part
of my definition was the best possible description of what happened. Time,
place, the surrounding mountains and many other factors guaranteed that it was impossible
to use the phone. Nevertheless it did work!
My moods were changing from minute to minute. From near ecstasy
of being aware of Him watching over me, to deep sadness that He has to use miracles
to make me aware of Him being in charge of my affairs.
Let me be clear. When I’m talking to other people about
Hashem’s fingerprints, I know what I’m talking about. Thanks to Him, I have the
ability to recognize and to know His presence or at least the impressions of
His fingers in all micro and macro aspects of His Creation. I can see His
greatness in the structure of the atom or in the depth of the Grand Canyon .
But most important of all is that He allowed me to find His message to Humanity
– Torah and to join His people. And still after all of this, He ‘needs’ to use a
miracle to remind me again about His presence in my life.
I felt humiliated by
this awareness, again close to tears, I was saddened by my lack of trust in
Him.
The last few years of my life has been like a roller coaster
when many times I wondered where life events are leading me and my family as we
were going in directions unexpected and undesired. We all experience these kinds
of events sometime during the duration of our earthly journey. We all ask questions
sometimes like ‘why’ and ‘why me’. One of the goals of our earthly journey is
to put our entire trust in Him, in His Guidance and in His Love.
I don’t know what would happen if I didn’t have a flat tire
and would have arrived a few hours earlier to my destination for that day.
Maybe some greater trouble was awaiting me worse than a flat tire in the desert!
Perhaps, a physical problem or a spiritual problem would have confronted me which
every day in my prayers, I ask the Hashem the Giver of life to protect me from.
But after what I experienced and what I have tried to
describe in this essay I have no doubts at all! Sometimes we have to learn
about His Love in the dust of the road, in sweat (Shvitz) and dry mouth, in the
pain of cuts and scratches all over our body, in what we think is a total loss
of time, in the humiliation of the recognition that He is in charge!
Matys Weiser
